Guess fat cat’s weight and win $50 - it’s easy, fun and everyone
can play
By DEREK CLONTZ
Your World Report
A snaggle-tooth tomcat named
Teeny is one very fat cat. And if you can guess the flabby tabby’s exact weight,
you’ll win a nifty $50 to spend any way you like. We’ll post the picture on
April 29. Tell your friends and BE HERE!
“My Teeny’s an armful, that’s for sure,“ chortles Sally Mellerman,
who says the porked-up pussums was so small at birth that she didn’t think he would
survive the night.
 “He’s always been my special baby and
I’ve spoiled him rotten along the way. Of course, I don’t have to spoil him too
much because he‘s not what you’d call a ‘finicky’ cat.
“Teeny‘s never met a meal he didn‘t like.”
The King Kong kitty - age 8 - starts his day at the crack of dawn with a full quart of
sweet cream or half-and-half fresh from the fridge.
That lapped up, tubby Teeny licks his whiskers, burps and steps up to a plate of
sizzling smoky link sausages - “24 of ‘em,” Mellerman says.
“Teeny reposes to his kitty-box after breakfast and then it’s back to the
kitchen for a snack,” she chuckles. “When he was younger I’d give him a
stick of butter.
“But he’s older now and I’m a concerned about his heart.
“These days I give him a ’brunch’ of scrambled eggs with his
favorite side dish - a Snickers bar topped with pancake syrup and those little colored
sprinkles like you get at the ice cream shop.
“I suppose Teeny wouldn’t be so fat if he exercised. But he‘s a
laid-back cat. After breakfast and his snack, he heads to our game room for a nap.
“At 9 a.m. he‘s thinking food again. You can set your clock by him.”
To help you guess jelly-belly Teeny’s weight, Alachua Community Bulletin Board can
reveal that he:
1. Tilts the Toledos at more than 50 pounds, a benchmark set by Katy, a 5-year-old
Russian feline who is just slightly heavier than a 6-year-old boy!
2. Sports a 48½ -inch ‘waistline’, which is comparable to that of
middle-aged man with a competition-grade beer belly.
“When Teeny walks he rattles the china in my cabinets - and his gut drags the
floor,“ confides Mellerman.
“In fact, the friction of his tummy has worn away the carpet and you can see
exactly where he goes by following the trails. You can also see that he pretty much
travels from food dish to sleeping spot to food dish to sleeping spot.
“I don’t think he’s stepped outside since 2007.“
As Teeny’s day progresses beyond his mid-morning snack, the shivering,
quivering, scale-crunching critter continues to feast on a post-breakfast menu that
includes:
O 4 pounds of ground beef that his doting owner forms in the shape of birds, dogs and
fish!
O 8 tins of sardines or smoked oysters with the stinky oil they’re packed in!
O 2 salmon fillets, seared and served!
O ½ gallon Choc-Van-Straw ice cream - and another ½ gallon of Rocky Road!
O A dozen eggs, scrambled, poached or lapped from a bowl - raw!
O A whole chicken, pan fried or roasted – served with hash browns, home fries
or “Tater Tots.”
O 1 can pork brains with a side order of pork-n-beans - straight from the can!
O 16 Vienna sausages, drained and patted dry!
O Four large boxes of Milk Duds chewy candy served in a bowl of milk or cream!
O Four large cans of dog food topped with two small cans of cat food!
“Teeny wants the same breakfast every day but I’ll mix things up to give him
a little variety after than.” says Mellerman.
“Nothing but the best for Teeny. He’s my very special cat!”
Question? Comment? What do you think? Write Your
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