Hey, ladies - you can squeeze into a bikini
that's two sizes too small and save the $100 you'd have to fork out for a new one with
tips from a leading expert.
"It's easy and fun," says Shara
Zadora, author of the riveting new book, The Frugal Fashionista (Eugene Press,
Boston, $29.95).
"All you have to do is gather up a few items
that just about everyone has lying around the house - things like a broom stick, a
long-handled shoe horn, lard, fatback, butter, a yoga mat, and lots of strong,
premium-grade plastic wrap.
"Before you get started, it might be helpful
to let your mind drift back to childhood and the story of The Little Engine that Could.
"When confronted with what appeared to be an
impossible task - pulling a long train up a steep hill - he didn't give up before he
started.
"The Little Engine sucked in his gut,
gritted his teeth and let those famous lines ring loud and true, 'I think I can! I think I
can!'
"And ladies, so can you."
Here, from the Boston-based author's book,
is a special 5-point plan to help you squeeze into last year's bikini.
If you fit the profile of the typical American
woman, says Zadora, your swimsuit will be two sizes too small thanks to the 12 to 15
pounds of shivering, quivering flab you packed on over the winter.
1. Start early. Slipping into your
too-teeny bikini will be much easier if you start the minute you roll out of bed. For one
thing, you won't feel pressed for time.
"Don't forget," says Zadora, "that
we're all just a little bit skinnier when we awaken in the morning because gravity both
flattens and repositions fat while we sleep outstretched in bed through the night.
"When you start tugging on your bikini
bottom, that 'little bit' is going to mean a lot."
2. Work fast. Once up, gather your tools
and get to work. Start by greasing yourself with butter, lard, petroleum jelly, fatback or
any other lubricant you like.
"When you're fully covered and slippery as
an eel," says the expert, "wrap your bottom and breasts with strong plastic wrap
in the same way you'd wrap yourself in a towel or a sarong.
"Don't yank it so tight that you cut off
circulation and hurt yourself. 'Snug' is good enough. Watch the clock for five minutes,
then, with your fat maximally compressed, move on to Step Three."
3. Quickly peel off the plastic wrap and
step into your one-piece or pre-tied bikini bottom one foot at a time. Now, pull the
bottom straight up with all the "oomph" you can muster.
With your fat compressed, and your lubricant
cutting back on resistance, the bikini just might slip right into place.
If it's off a few inches, don't worry. You can
finish the job after you squeeze into your top, Zadora says.
4. Pull your one-piece or pre-tied top
over your head and position it over your breasts as completely as you can. Again, fat
compression and your lubricant should make the job "do-able."
As with your bikini bottom, if it's not "hanging just right," simply
move on to Step 5.
