Electrifying sex even if you’re impotent - our experts tell how
Note: The following Special Report contains subject matter appropriate for adults.
It is not intended for children or anyone who might be offended by a medically and
psychologically serious and frank discussion of impotence.
Just because you are impotent doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy electrifying sex
every day of your life. The trick, say experts, is to loosen up, use your imagination -
and find all the fascinating ways there are to fulfill yourself and your mate sexually
… without having sex.
 “It’s easier than you might think and
besides, you have nothing to lose but your embarrassment and despair,” says Nick
Bonner-Mahr, who along with wife Sally heads up Impotent NOT - 4-Page Media, Inc.’s
innovative online support group for impotent men and the women who love them.
“I know what I’m talking about,” he continues. “I’ve been
impotent since I was injured in a car crash in 1989 and whether you believe it or not, I
actually get down on my knees every day of my life and thank God for that crash.
“Since losing the ability to have sex in the conventional way, I’ve learned
to love and be loved in new and better and more positive and fulfilling ways. I’m not
talking to hear myself talk,” he adds. “Sally will tell you the same.”
In fact, Sally Bonner-Mahr calls impotence “the best thing that ever happened to
my husband and me as a couple.”
“We were crushed at first - devastated,” she adds. “But once we got over
the shock, we took a long, hard look at our situations and decided we could do one of two
things: Curse our luck or take the bull by the horns and figure out new and even better
ways of having sex.
“At first we felt foolish. In fact, we failed miserably time and time again
because we kept trying to have sex the conventional way without the proper
‘equipment’, which is kind of like trying to build a house without a hammer or
bake bread without dough.
“Nick couldn’t satisfy me. I couldn’t satisfy Nick. Nothing we tried
worked. We finally got so frustrated that there was nothing left to do but laugh.
That’s when everything changed for us. Having failed about as badly as two people can
fail, the pressure to perform just seemed to lift like a cloud.
“I remember saying to Nick, ‘Let’s pretend we’re the only man and
woman on Earth and we don’t know anything about sex. Let’s just go where our
love and feelings and bodies take us without worrying about the outcome.
Nick continues: “We decided right then and there to ‘practice’ our
lovemaking every day. But don’t read that the wrong way. We aren’t sex addicts
and we aren’t obsessed.
“It’s sort of like golf. If you want to get good and stay good, you
don’t buy a set of clubs and use them every once in a while - you get out there on
the driving range or the golf course and you practice like the dickens day after day after
day.
“So why should sex be any different - especially sex that is unlike anything most
of us have ever attempted? When you think of how important sex is in bringing a couple
closer together, in helping them to bond and love one another and stay together as a
couple, you have to admit that practice makes perfect sense.
“Within just a few days our sex life went from the pits to pretty darn good. After
a few months we both rated it as being off the charts - electrifying and getting better
every day.
“I feel sure you’ll be saying the same thing if you make up your mind right
now to forget everything you think you know about sex and set out to discover all the
wonderfully wholesome ways God has given us to love and be loved.
“If we can, anyone can.”
Through their own experience and trial-and-error experimentation, the Mahrs developed
the following 10-point plan for helping you to put impotence in your past and electrifying
sex in your present and future.
Of course, you don’t have to be impotent to benefit - Nick and Sally say anyone
can take advantage.
Here’s the plan:
1. READ everything you can about impotence. Simply stated, impotence
is a man’s inability to get and/or sustain an erection long enough to engage in
sexual
intercourse. The problem can be fleeting and temporary, last for months or years - or
even dog you for life.
There are many causes: Prescription drugs, stress, injury, excessive drinking and
smoking, heart or vascular disease and nerve damage are key culprits.
Quite often, emotional or psychological factors are the sole cause of impotence. And
when that is the case, it is a relatively simple matter to reverse the symptoms once you
come to grips with what is bothering you. Frank discussions with a healthcare
professional, your mate or even a good friend may be all you need to conquer impotence and
get on with your sex life.
If impotence embarrasses you, remember this: It’s been estimated that 30 million -
that’s right, 30 million American men are impotent at any given time, so you have
nothing to be embarrassed about.
In fact, with a number like 30 million on your side, there’s an excellent chance
that the friend or doctor you consult is impotent, too.
“Many men will find their impotence is reversible with stress reduction
techniques, the use of prescription drugs like Viagra or Cialis, the use of herbs such as
macuna pruriens, ginkgo biloba, suma, yohimbe or antler velvet, vacuum devices that can
help you get an erection and, perhaps, surgery,” says Nick.
“But for many men - men like me - impotence is a fact of life. Like me, these men
will need to rethink everything they know about sex - and move on.”
2. SLOW DOWN. Once you have determined that you are, in fact, impotent
it’s time to take stock of the way you have approached sex in the past.
“If you’ve been one of those ‘quickie guys’ you’ll have to
change your ways,” says Sally.
“From now on slow and easy does it. Remember: Now that you’ve lost the
ability to climax in the conventional way, your sexual response is more like that of a
woman. And like a woman, you are fully capable of having explosive, multiple, shrieking
head-to-to orgasms when - and only when - you give yourself the time.
“If you try to hurry, believe me, nothing will happen - either for you or your
partner. To fulfill yourself and your mate now, you’ll have to use your mind, body
and soul. And you can’t do that in a rush.
Frankly, if Nick and I don’t have at least an hour to spend on sex, we don’t
bother.”
3. EXPLORE your body. In addition to slowing down, you’ll want to
spend time developing an awareness of your entire body from head to toe. Nick calls it
“assessing the tools you have to work with.”
Many people find their toes, lips, fingertips, nose, inner thighs, ears, spine, neck,
chin and other “hot spots” to be extremely sensitive when touched or
manipulated.
To find your hot spots, have your partner start at your toes and move up your body,
touching, massaging, kissing, brushing lightly with her hair - whatever it takes to turn
you on. Later on, you can do the same for your partner. In this way you are beginning what
will now become a lifelong process of redefining your physical relationship with one
another.
If you are like most couples, you’ll find the experience deeply satisfying, the
Bonner-Mahrs say.
“Most men are at least a little uncomfortable being passive in a sexual
relationship,” says Sally. “If you’re like that I have some good advice:
Get over it!”
Nick adds: “When I was first starting to experiment with my ‘new’
sexuality, I made it a habit to pay close attention to everything my body was feeling at
any given moment - from the coffee cup in my hand to the breeze on my face to the itch on
my leg to the splinter in my foot to the shoe around my foot to the watch around my wrist
… you get the idea.
“I even made a game out of trying to ‘feel’ the individual hairs where
they were growing out of my head, chest, arms and legs.
“In time I developed an amazing sensitivity throughout my body, a sensitivity that
can only be compared to what I used to feel in my genitals alone.
“A great way to start training yourself is to put the five fingers of one hand on
a hard surface and shift your focus to one finger at a time. After that, do the same with
your entire body. If you are sitting down, for instance, shift your focus between your
feet on the floor to your knees to your bottom to your back and so on.
“Pretty soon you’ll really be attuned, not only to ‘what’ you are,
but to where you are, who you are - and what you are feeling.”
4. EXPERIMENT. Once you have expanded your awareness of yourself and
your mate, it’s time to experiment. Set aside at least an hour to “play”
with no particular goal in mind. Unlike having sex “the old way,” you’re
not racing to climax. As Sally puts it: “Just kick back and enjoy the ride.”
“At first you might feel a little foolish because you never know where
unstructured sex like this is going to lead - if it’s going to lead anywhere at
all,” she continues.
“Use the time to get to know your mate better than ever, both physically and
mentally. Talk to one another. Learn how to tell one another what you like and what you
don’t like. And don’t get too serious. A crucial component of deep and
fulfilling sex is the ability to be playful - and laugh at yourselves individually and as
a couple.
“If you have little fantasies you’d like to indulge in, discuss them openly
and in detail. As most people already know, communication on this level can be exceedingly
difficult.
“But once you suck in your gut and break the ice, you’ll find that day by day
and week by week your relationship will grow and deepen - I guarantee it.”
5. MAKE A LIST. As your communications begin to improve and you get
more comfortable with unstructured experimentation, both you and your partner should make
a list of all the things that make you feel good during lovemaking, all the things that
upset or bother you or don’t feel good - and all the things you haven’t
tried but would like to give a whirl.
“Sally says: “In talking with other couples Nick and I have found that oral
sex is a key topic you must come to terms with. Do you and your partner like it? Does one
of you like it? Does one of you like to give oral sex but not receive it - or vice versa?
Is oral sex going to be a cornerstone of your “new sexuality?
“Don’t push this under the rug or put off discussing it,” she continues.
“Another hot topic is how to ‘handle’ the man’s genitals. Some men
think because they are impotent, the penis and testicles no longer can play a role in sex.
But the limp penis and testicles are quite sensitive to touching or kissing or even
licking or sucking. The question is do you, as a man, like it - and how does your partner
feel about it? You and your partner should discuss it openly and often. People do change
their minds!”
Discuss your lists and find a common ground that is comfortable for both of you. In
days and weeks to come, take turns fulfilling one another. For example, in one love
session you might devote yourself totally to your partner - and vice versa. What you learn
will not only amaze you, it will deepen the loving bond you share with one another - and
result in the explosive sex that’s been missing from your life.
6. AVOID bedroom gadgets and toys, at least in the beginning. As you
and your spouse begin to redefine your sex life, you might be tempted to bring sex toys or
gadgets or even sexy videos or books into the mix - but the Mahrs advise you to exercise
restraint and caution when you do.
“We experimented with some of these things and very quickly found ourselves
beginning to rely on them,” said Nick. “When that happened, it occurred to us
that we weren’t getting closer and more loving, we were getting more mechanical and
becoming less loving toward one another.”
“Aside from flavored and regular massage oils and a few large feathers,” adds
Sally, “we don’t use anything to ‘assist’ in our lovemaking these
days. You might want a few additional toys - but chances are, you won’t need
them.”
7. USE your mind. As your physical response to lovemaking improves,
say the Mahrs, it’s time to “go to work on your mind.”
“This is the ‘do or die’ of your new relationship because you can never
have the kind of explosive sex we’re talking about if you can’t open your mind
completely and operate totally in the ‘now’,” said Nick.
“To fully experience yourself and your partner, you can’t be thinking about
something that just happened or something that might happen - that’s when
embarrassment, anxiety and inhibition creep in.
“Concentrate completely on the thrill and joy of the moment. It takes practice.
But the payoff will blow your mind!”
8. ABIDE in God. “God created men and women for a
reason,” said Nick. “Sally and I believe sex to be sacrament. Before engaging in
sex we hold hands for a moment and close our eyes and reflect on what we are about to do.
When you prepare yourself for physical intimacies by considering the wondrous mystery of
it all, you’ll experience a richness and depth to lovemaking that is unavailable to
you any other way.”
9. PRACTICE sex every day. “Believe it or not, you can have the
sensational sex we’re talking about with your clothes on or off,” says Sally.
“You and your partner
should hug and kiss or hand-hold and talk every day of your lives. If you don’t
think those moments can draw you as closely together as full blown sex, you don’t
know what you’re missing.
“Once you attune yourself to having sex without intercourse, you’ll find out
how stunningly orgasmic a simple kiss, hug or whisper can be. You won’t be
disappointed - that’s a guarantee!”
10. STUDY the art of love - and sex. There are countless books that
discuss and explore human sexuality and our many forms of love in healthy, wholesome ways.
Visit your public library or book store and find those that appeal to you.
“As in anything we wish to master,” says Sally, “knowledge is
indispensable. By expanding your sexual horizons and learning all you can about love and
sex you will open the door to a lifetime of pleasure and fulfillment.”
Questions? Comments? A personal experience to share? Want more tips and advice? Visit
Nick and Sally's online support group at www.impotentnot.wordpress.com
today
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