Yikes! You’ll never guess what we found in Hillary Clinton’s trash

By DEREK CLONTZ
Your World Report

Sen. Hillary Clinton and husband Bill are among the most powerful people on the planet, but they still pull their pants on one leg at a time like everyday folks - and the items my reporters gleaned from their trash during an unprecedented 12-month investigation proves it.

Things like:

o Beanie Weenies - 173 peel-top, spoon-scraped, heat ‘n’ eat cans’ worth in Sen. Clinton’s bedroom trash alone.

o 623 pairs of “ultra queen” panty hose. Tellingly, each and every pair had failed what industry experts call “the stretch test” in those “hyper-critical thigh and buttocks zones.”

o A partially gift-wrapped box of 18 exploding cigars (out of 24) that featured poorly-drawn but recognizable likenesses of Monica Lewinski on their wrappers.

o A Buns of Steel videotape, its plastic housing cracked and punctured as if someone had jabbed it with a fire-poker or stomped it repeatedly with a high-heel shoe.

o Empty tubes and bottles of Preparation H, Binaca breath freshener and at least three different herbal formulas that are widely used to improve memory, boost male “vitality” and wipe out symptoms of menopause or PMS.

o A “Psychic Hotline” membership card signed by Mrs. Clinton.

o Chinese “seaweed-diet-soap” wrappers - dozens of them.

o A congratulatory letter and fake “check” from Publisher’s Clearinghouse announcing Bill “Clanton’s” apparent sweepstakes victory. Curiously, the bogus check was endorsed.

o Five unopened letters from Clinton’s brother, Roger; a cancer patient in Utah; a Cub Scout troop in upstate New York; a homeless family in West Virginia; and former vice president Al Gore.

o Two unopened containers of imported HOMBRE! “love” oil inside a box marked, “Hill - let me know when you want to try this.”

o A bizarre, 4-pound paperweight that when held up to light and tilted side-to-side interchanges photographs of alleged Bill Clinton-lover Paula Jones before and after she got her nose job.

o An anatomically-correct male voodoo doll complete with strategically-placed, 7-inch hatpin.

o Scrap paper marked with a series of numbers that, when added, either by coincidence or design, give you Miss Lewinski’s current telephone number.

o A partially-shredded but shockingly candid note on Bill Clinton’s personal stationery observing that “somebody hit (Senator and presidential candidate Barack) Obama with an ugly stick.”

o An angry note in what looks like Mrs. Clinton’s handwriting - almost certainly false - alleging that Bill Clinton is not Chelsea Clinton’s biological father.

Psychologist Patricia Moore analyzed the trash that our reporters plucked from tons of less significant garbage the Clintons pitched while traveling singly or together to hundreds of locations worldwide over the past 12 months.

She concluded: “The trash contains an absolutely human mix of items that proves no matter how powerful we get, no matter how much money we have, no matter how aristocratic we appear to be, we all have the same hopes and dreams, the same problems, weaknesses and concerns.

“If you told me you’d found all these items in a dumpster at a trailer park, I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. The Clinton’s trash is Everyman’s trash. Only the names are changed.”

Question? Comment? What do you think? Write Your World Report Editor Derek Clontz . He reads and responds personally to every letter, often within minutes and always within one business day.

Remember: Your World Report is the world's fastest-growing newsmagazine.* Welcome to our family of readers - 2.5 million strong.

* GNI Global Readership Survey 2009.

Copyright © 2009 4-Page Media, Inc./Your World Report. All rights reserved.