Angry bill collectors say Obama won’t return calls on the national debt
By DEREK CLONTZ
Your World Report
FAST FACT: Bill collectors have a serious image problem, ranking just
one notch below “child-killing Devil worshippers” on the Census Bureau’s
list of “sleaziest and most reviled Americans,” a spokesman confirms.
Hundreds of angry bill collectors have complained to the Government Accounting
Office about President Barack Obama, claiming the leader of the free world won’t
return calls about America’s $2 trillion national debt - a staggering $900 billion of
which is on credit cards.
“I’m very disappointed in Mr. Obama, at the time we issued the credit, the
Oval Office seemed like a good risk,” fumes Karl Johnson, who represents a Saudi
investment bank that has loaned the U.S. at least $200 billion since several large
commercial banks and investment firms faked bankruptcy and demanded bailouts last fall.
“The President seems to have a problem with admitting that he owes anybody any
money.
“He won’t come to the telephone even though I’m calling the White House,
and … hey, sir - come on, now - everybody on the planet knows you live there. “
“And it’s not like we want to throw him in jail or anything.
“All we want to do is talk things over and see if we can help him out, because
instead of paying off the debt he’s got, he just keeps asking for more loans - and
that’s a red flag.
“It’s true that he’s not in default, but one more down-tick in the
economy could change that in a split second.
“The last thing we want is a bankruptcy. Then we’ll never get our cash
back.”
Johnson isn’t the only bill collector who’s gone public to say the President
“has some s’plainin’ to do” over the biggest national debt in
America’s history
William Fender, who represents a Chinese investment group that loaned the U.S. $360
billion to help with last year’bank bailout and pay for a couple of battles in the
war in Iraq, says: “Hundreds of us on the collections end of things agree - the
commander-in-chief needs to take a deep breath, look at his balance sheet, and start
figuring out how to pay back some of the money that was loaned to the U.S. in good faith.
“Every time I call the White House I get first lady Michelle Obama or Vice
President Joseph Biden on the line and they always say something like, ‘Mr. Obama
isn’t in today. Would you like to leave a message?’, like they’re hired
help or guests who just happened to pick up the phone.
“Look, the last thing I want to do is put additional pressure on the President
when the country is at war and in a financial meltdown. But he has to meet me half way.
“Otherwise, things could get nasty. Can you imagine the scowl on his face if I
foreclose on Camp David? Or how about I take back all those TVs in the ‘war
room’ at the Pentagon
“Ask anyone who’s ever taken on more debt than he can handle. He’ll tell you how humiliating it is to tangle with
the repo man.”
White House press secretary Robert Gibbs says the President “is aware” of the
national debt “but it’s not a priority right now.”
“I suggest some of these bill collectors cool their jets - they’ll get their
money even if our children have to pay it,” he added.
Meanwhile, I’d hate to have to give the Internal Revenue Service a jingle and
start naming names. “Those audits can get nasty
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