Outrageous new college courses will blow you away

'And what did YOU learn in school today, Johnny?'

By DEREK CLONTZ
Your World Report

! Black Magic 101 ...

! Dating Strategies for Sex Offenders

! Devil Worship Made Easy ...

! Rape is Not a Crime ...

! Pornography for a New Tomorrow ...

! How to Run a Successful Hooking Business From Your Dorm Room Without a Pimp ...

These are just a few of the outrageous new courses that colleges nationwide are offering as students head back to school for the fall semester, making this what a watchdog group calls "the worst year for academia in our nation's history."

"Our colleges and universities have forgotten all about teaching our young people arts and sciences - all they're interested in is catering to radicals and fringe groups that want to promote their own agendas," fumes Herman Merriman, co-founder of Citizens for Sane Curricula, in Washington, D.C.

"Black Magic 101? The Joys of Incest? I'd laugh if somebody were making this up.

"But these courses are real. And our tax dollars and tuition checks are supporting this madness.

"If that doesn't rile you up, I don't know what will. Every time I think about it, I get physically ill."

Here, from the watchdog group's riveting pamphlet, What Did You Learn in College Today, Johnny?, are 10 shocking courses that are currently being offered in private and public schools in all 50 states.

"If you have a weak heart, you might want a friend or loved one to read them along with you," says Merriman, "in case somebody has for call for an ambulance."

1. Jesus Was the Anti-Christ. This course purports to show that the most influential holy man in human history "wasn't just a charlatan," he was, in fact, claim the authors of the textbook, "a fortune teller, astrologer, and despicable force of evil."
   
2. Pornography for a New Tomorrow. Can a daily dose of hard-core XXX smut really "make people happier and nicer and also make the world a better place?" This class says, "Yes."
   
3. Street-Fighting and Survival Tips for "Butch" Lesbians. Most people think Harley-ridin' dykes can handle themselves pretty darn well already.
   
   For those who aren't convinced, this class offers tips on everything from knife-fighting and gun play to joint-locking moves that can take a man's - or another lesbian's - arm off.
   
4. Black Magic 101. This class advises students to "abandon Christian superstitions" and "embrace the dark powers" for love, money, health, sex, luck - you name it.
   
5. Dating Strategies for Sex Offenders and Pedophiles. "Sex offenders and pedophiles may find it difficult to find companionship of a sexual nature, but there are ways to get around the stigma of being a pervert," the introduction to this course says.
   
6. Devil Worship Made Easy. This popular class trashes and Bible, the Koran and other holy books and tells students that "partying and hell raising are appropriate ways to 'get right' with Satan before it's too late."
   
7. Rape is Not a Crime. From a purely existential perspective - in which life has no meaning and there is no God or afterlife - rape, the course argues, is okay ... as is murder, theft, child abuse and anything else that most civilized people frown upon.
   
8. How to Boost Business Profits by Pretending You Love Jesus. This Harvard-designed course shows MBAs how to "play the religion card" and "milk Christians" for business profits that otherwise would flow to church-going, "mom and pop" business owners who really do worship Christ.
   
9. The Simple Joys and Pleasures of Incest. Students who take this class are taught that sex with parents, brothers and sisters and close cousins "is far more rewarding" than doing the wild thang "with mere acquaintances and strangers."
   
   The textbook cites as an "incest hero" Oedipus Rex, who accidentally made love to his mother in ancient Greece and then gouged his eyes out with remorse, a fact the text conveniently leaves out.
   
   It also mentions the inbreeding that is so prevalent in Europe's royal families which, the authors argue, "could have anybody they wanted in their beds, but choose close relatives instead."
   
10. How to Run a Successful Hooking Business from Your Dorm Room - Without a Pimp. As if college coeds don't get enough action in the sack after keg and fraternity parties, this course sings the praises of becoming "a working girl" and running a call-girl business - on school property.
    

Question? Comment? What do you think? Write Your World Report Editor Derek Clontz . He reads and responds personally to every letter, often within minutes and always within one business day.

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