Psychic Neale
By DEREK CLONTZ
Your World Report
Will you help me find a way to get out of jail?
Dear Neale: As I’m sure you know even before you read this letter
I’m serving 20 years of hard time for a murder I didn’t commit. I know I
can’t last that long. I know I’ll get frustrated and kill myself if I ever give
up hope of getting out of here. What I want you to do is tell me how to get out of
prison - either through a legal loophole my lawyer missed or by telling me the best
way to escape. You know I didn’t commit this crime, Neale. You’ve got to
help. - Edgy Inmate in Albuquerque
Dear Edgy Inmate: I’ll help you prove your innocence on the
murder rap if and only if you agree to confess to the six rapes and 76 burglaries you DID
commit between 1994 and 1998. Write back when you’re ready to talk.
Who painted WASH ME, IDIOT all over my new T-Bird?
Dear Neale: I scrimped and saved every spare penny I could get my
hands on for five years to be able to afford my classic 1958 Thunderbird and just two days
after I brought it home, somebody spray-painted WASH ME, IDIOT and I’M A DIRTY BIRD
all over the sides, trunk and hood. I’m just sick about it. The police say
there’s no way to find out who did it unless somebody steps forward to confess. But I
know you can help. Who did it? - Fuming in Helena
Dear Fuming: Your wife spray-painted the car thinking it would wipe
right off - and you’ve been so angry and threatening that she simply has been afraid
to tell you. Please calm down, talk to her -- and clear the air right away. Yes, it’s
going to cost $1,378.92 to repair the damage. And no, the car won’t ever look as good
as it did before she painted all over it. But the love of your life is suffering terribly.
And you know what? It doesn’t take a crystal ball to tell me that you’re man
enough to forgive her. I know you are.
Personal to ...
Angry in
Wilmington: You can curse me out until you’re blue in the face but I’m
NOT telling you where you lost that cocaine.
Question? Comment? What do you think? Write Your
World Report Editor Derek Clontz . He reads and responds personally to every
letter, often within minutes and always within one business day.
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