Dear Disa
EDITED By DEREK CLONTZ
Your World Report
Confidentials
- Dear Hunka Hunka Burnin’ HE-Man in Waverly: Not
until you get the sex change, you aren’t.
- Dear Klan Babe in Big Falls: What you do under those
sheets is of no interest to me, honey.
- Dear Devil Made Me Do It in D.C.: But Senator - you
ARE the Devil.
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Do all gals hate sex as much as I do?
Dear Disa: I’ll bet most of your female readers
are just like me--sick and tired of sex. My husband of eight years would roll in the hay
two to three times a week if you let him. But I’ve already given him three kids -
what more does he want from me? To make matters worse, I know when he’s got sex on
his mind because out comes a stupid grin and that damn pack of Dentyne. Do other gals hate
this ritual as much as I do? - Worn Out in Orono
Dear Worn Out: Only those who’re sleeping with
your man - or one like him.
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I WOULD wear panties if they weren’t so darn uncomfortable
Dear Disa: Way back in my hippie days in the 1960s I
got used to traipsing around without panties and I still don’t wear them because they
feel icky and uncomfortable to me. My one great fear, of course, is that people can tell
I’m not wearing panties and that men may be looking up my skirts and dresses. What do
you think? - Ex Flower Child in Webster
Dear Ex Flower Child: I think it’s safe to say
that looking up your dress is one "Magical Mystery Tour" that NO MAN in his
right mind is going to take. Unless, of course, you’re in the habit of dropping
pencils at the old sex-offenders’ home- in which case, honey child, ALL
bets are off.
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Lovely little lady I married burps in her sleep
Dear Disa: I married one of the most beautiful,
hardest-working and sexiest women the world has ever known. I mean it--I worship the
ground Tammy walks on and so does everybody else who meets her. There’s nothing she
can’t do - and do well. From cooking to cleaning to keeping her man happy in bed,
Tammy is the greatest. She does have one problem - she burps in her sleep. If she burped
occasionally or softly I really wouldn’t care. But when she cuts loose the whole
house shakes. And this goes on once or twice an hour all night long. If I dare mention it
she gets really embarrassed and denies it. So what should I do to make my near-perfect
wife perfect? Help me if you can. - Sleepless and Revolted in Moberly
Dear Sleepless and Revolted: All that burping could be
a symptom of a serious or even life-threatening medical condition but let’s play the
percentages and assume that it isn’t. With that unpleasant thought out of the way,
let’s get down to brass tacks and pursue a few real-world options - such as sticking
a sock in her mouth.
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Question? Comment? What do you think? Write Your
World Report Editor Derek Clontz . He reads and responds
personally to every letter, often within minutes and always within one business day.
Remember: Your World Report is the world's fastest-growing
newsmagazine.* Welcome to our family of readers - 2.5 million strong.
* GNI Global Readership Survey 2009.
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