Dear Disa
EDITED By DEREK CLONTZ
Your World Report
Confidentials
- Dear Famed Evolutionist in Raleigh: I don’t care
what you say - one look at me in a spring-release teddy and you’d KNOW I didn’t
evolve from an amoeba!
- Dear Lonely Gal in Pittsburgh: Let’s put it this
way: The man of YOUR dreams might very well "blow into town” on a Greyhound bus
- but MINE wouldn’t!
- Dear Appalled in Seattle: If my 83-year-old granddaddy
shuffled home with lipstick smeared all over his white belt and leisure suit I
wouldn’t be appalled, I’d be laughing my head off. And I strongly suggest you
lighten up and do the same!
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Whiskey's coming between me and my beau
Dear Disa: Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been
told to avoid people who drink hard liquor and I have. But I hit a snag here recently when
I fell in love with the most wonderful man in the world. The problem is that he drinks
liquor every day because he’s got a stressful job as a night watchman down at the
paper plant and he needs a few drinks to relax. But he’s not one of these men
who get abusive when they drink. He’s a kind and gentle man whether he’s
dog drunk or it's 8 a.m. when he gets off work and he's still sober. If you knew how
much I wanted to kiss him -- oh, Disa! -- what I wouldn’t give to suck the lips off
his face! But every time he pulls me close and even after we make love I have to turn my
head away when he puckers up because of my promise not to kiss lips that touch liquor.
What should I do? - Old Fashioned in Jackson
Dear Old Fashioned: The solution to your problem is as
plain as the pretty on my face - get that man a straw!
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Fancy condoms are for the birds
Dear Disa: My boyfriend has more trouble with condoms.
They always break or fall off about two seconds after we start sharing intimacies, and
whether you and your readers know it or not, that puts me at risk of getting pregnant or
catching some disease. I’ve told him to buy more reliable brands at the drug store
but he insists on getting all these cheap things from the machines on the wall at the gas
station. I mean, like, yeah - they’re red and purple and have all those little knobby
things all over them. But one of these days I’m going to get pregnant and he’ll
be sorry. What do I have to say to make him get good condoms like the ones I see
advertised on TV? - Deserves Better in Evansville
Dear Deserves Better: Cut off his lovin'
until he sees the light, which, if he's anything like my man, will take six
to eight hours, depending on how late he has to work tonight!
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What’s with all the ant
bites on my son’s arm?
Dear Disa: My 23-year-old son quit college recently and
he’s been very depressed. All he does is stay up in his room and mope around and
listen to that hypnotic “techno” music that puts everybody who listens to it in
a trance. But what’s got me really worried is that he doesn’t take care of
himself. The other day he was sprawled out on his bed with his shirt sleeve rolled up and
there were ant bites running up his forearm like railroad tracks. I’ve tried talking
to him to “pep” him up and get him interested in life but he just shrugs and
tells me to go away. What should I do? - Worried Mom in Sioux City
Dear Worried Mom: Your son isn’t depressed -
he’s shooting up heroin
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Question? Comment? What do you think? Write Your
World Report Editor Derek Clontz . He reads and responds
personally to every letter, often within minutes and always within one business day.
Remember: Your World Report is the world's fastest-growing
newsmagazine.* Welcome to our family of readers - 2.5 million strong.
* GNI Global Readership Survey 2009.
Copyright © 2009 4-Page Media, Inc./Your World Report.
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